Resisting urgency as a pleasure practice
What is your relationship with urgency? And what would it look like to begin investigating opportunities for slowing down even if it means leaving some things unfinished? Could you set aside your healing practice and your...
What is your relationship with your anger?
Many of us fear or over-use our anger, however anger is one of the most important and valuable emotions we've got. Anger is a gentle and wise sentry, carefully scanning our lives for breaches in fairness and justice....
What gifts are you nurturing?
How do we dance with the reality that each and every choice we make and do not make impacts not only the people in our lives, but the land we live on, the generations that come next, our non-human kin, and others beyond ourselves?...
Why our preferences for certain bodies often aren’t preferences at all…
What if our preferences for certain bodies aren't really preferences at all? When we only date tall men or thin, fit people, what does it really mean?...
Journaling the questions
How can you get started journaling? How can journaling be a part of healing? This new method of journaling the questions might lead you new places....
Honoring that feelings are a collective experience
There’s a great piece circulating on how emotional regulation is the skill of the 21st century. Emotional and somatic skills are crucial. Having language for our feelings, having tools to help us have more choice in how we respond is a...
Accepting our hungers does not always mean acting on them.
Accepting our hunger and desire does not always mean acting on them. What if we allowed ourselves to want without shame? What if we befriended our desires?...
What are the ways we perform?
What are the ways we perform with food? What are the ways we perform confidence? And what are the ways we perform pleasure and the erotic?...
Whose pleasure mattered when you were a child?
Whose pleasure mattered when you were a child? Who got to feel good? Who taught you about pleasure and who deserves pleasure?...
Permission to feel good.
You are allowed to eat food that you enjoy. You are allowed change in ways that make sense only to you. You have permission to feel good....
Our bodies are wise. They tell us what we long for.
Our bodies are wise. They tell us what we long for. What does it mean to listen to your body? What are you longing for? It's time to find out....
What’s keeping you from feeling good?
What's keeping you from feeling good? Our inner critic keeps us from feeling pleasure, denies our desire, and tells us we are unworthy....
Honoring the cycles of our bodies: on resting, eating, and boundaries
What does it mean to honor the cycles of our bodies? How do we know when to eat? When to rest? How do we start listening to our bodies & trusting them?...
Reporting an abuser does not ruin their lives & other truths about accountability.
Abuse is never your fault. Here's why reporting abuse doesn't ruin lives and what we can all do to increase accountability....
Where does our deepest healing happen?
Where do we do our deepest healing? How do we cultivate relationships that allow us to be messy? Why are relationships the key to our healing?...
What stories have you inherited about your body?
What stories have you inherited about your body? What do you dream your body might be? What if your body was wise and precious?...
What if the expert you need is you?
What if the expert you need is you? What if no one else knows your body like you do? What if your hunger, your cravings, your wanting actually matter?...
What if we could break up with hustling, comparison, and busy-ness?
What if we could break up with hustling, comparison, and busy-ness? What if we could simply be as we are, giving ourselves permission to rest?...
Pleasure work is worthiness work. And yes it can be hard.
What does it mean to be worthy of pleasure? Why is pleasure so complicated? How can I bring more pleasure into my life? Let's explore pleasure!...
What stories did you inherit about pleasure?
What stories did you inherit about your body? What about pleasure? You are worthy & deserve pleasure. It's time to question the stories you carry....
Safety is a prerequisite to pleasure. How safe do you feel?
You cannot punish, criticize, or judge your body into healing. You must feel safe in order to experience pleasure. How safe do you feel?...
You are not lazy. Laziness is a myth.
What if laziness is a myth? What if you aren't lazy? Rest is how we heal. Slowing down is how we listen to our bodies. Let's break up with lazy....
Your anger is sacred. Nurture her and listen to her fiercely.
Dear Younger Me, I’ve been thinking about you often, contemplating all of the things I want to share with you these next few months. I imagine propping you on my knee, holding you close, listening to your endless chatter, braiding yo...
The problem has never been and never will be your body. Find people who agree.
Dear Younger Me, Sometimes, when I imagine you, I picture you at the tender age of four, free and magnificent in a body that did not yet know shame, fear, or unworthiness. Other times, I imagine you at 14, when things were a little more ...
Love is fierce. Love is strength. Love is anger.
Love is a phrase that gets thrown around a lot. We use it to tell someone how we feel about them and to indicate we deeply enjoy an experience. We say that only love can heal, that all we need is love*, and we believe that certain kinds ...
How do you sustain love even when you’re at your worst?
The other day I was confronted by the truth of who I am at my worst in relationship. It was an ugly mirror to gaze into. The shame was immediate and deep. I was sitting in a relationship therapy training program, and we were talking abou...
What is your relationship with pleasure?
Pleasure can be a tricky thing.We are taught that pleasure is wonderful, something to aspire to, something to indulge in…But not too much, too often, or in the “wrong” ways.Oh, and pleasure is only for people who have earned it –...
Who do we leave out of consent conversations?
I was just chatting with Andrew Gurza on his podcast Disability After Dark. We were rolling around in marginalized bodies and sex, the ways we perform and try to be “normal” and not other. One of the things he said to me is that consent ...
Talking about feelings is one thing. Feeling them is another.
I’ve been sitting in some tough places and reflecting on what it means to actually experience the messiness of life. It’s one thing to talk about feelings, to learn skills for managing and navigating feelings, and it’s another entirely t...
Complaining is easy; choosing the erotic is an act of defiance
I don’t know if it’s just me, but I’ve been finding it incredibly difficult to be creative and to show up lately. Taking care of myself seems harder than ever. Then again, I’ve never been very good at taking care of me, so maybe that’s n...
What if we’re all performing, instead of experiencing, pleasure?
A few days ago, I had the opportunity to interview erotic film director Erika Lust. She makes some of the sexiest erotic films in the world (in my opinion), and she is also beautifully thoughtful and articulate about the role pornography...
You don’t need to be perfect to be lovable.
You don’t need to be perfect to be lovable. So, please stop striving for perfection. Instead of denying the hurt and the failed expectations, instead of trying to seem like you have it all together, what if you let it all out and showed ...
There is no short cut for talking about the scary stuff. It’s just scary.
There are some things that I really don’t like talking about with my sweetheart. Things I feel deeply ashamed of or embarrassed by. Things that I think could be the final straw in him choosing something other than our marriage, and so I ...
Desire and intimacy require constant tending
Have you ever been in a relationship that started hot and heavy, and then as you settled into your routines as a couple it started to taper off and become something a little more mundane and lukewarm? Yeah. Me, too. That’s because most o...
Sex is a luxury and your power. Don’t take it for granted.
BlackLivesMatter is on my mind today. I’ve seen so many colleagues speaking out about racism and priorities, lately. One very smart person said that they feel like their work around sex just isn’t that important when we have people being...
Sometimes it takes a broken heart to find the tenderness you so desperately need.
This is a vulnerable post for me. To be honest, the last thing I wanted to do today was write because it’s a high-feels day. But, then I thought, maybe that’s the perfect time to write. Maybe by letting my pain be a real, valid thing, so...
Practice when things are good. Practicing during crisis is nearly impossible.
As I was in the middle of writing this post on the importance of practicing, something amazing happened. An email from Danielle LaPorte plopped into my Inbox and she, too, had written about practice. It moved me so much, I decided to fol...
Dawn Answers: Finding your voice after trauma
Cindy asks: Hi Dawn, I’ve been catching up on old episodes and caught sight of the episode of Dylan leaving. (Haven’t heard it yet) I miss her already! I hope you continue on as strong as before. I wanted to try and get some advice about...
Are criticism or sarcasm showing up in love? The balm is kindness.
How kind are you being to yourself? How kind are you being with the people that you love? The answer says an awful lot about your life, your needs, and what isn’t working. Why? Because as soon as kindness takes a hike, it’s time for mass...
What if sexual validation comes from within?
The day I realized 95% of my sexual distress, pain, and shame has been the result of other people telling me what my sexual experiences should look like and feel like, everything shifted. I can’t tell you how many hours (years?) I spent ...
Dawn Answers: How do I talk about herpes?
How do I tell someone I have herpes? How do I talk about STIs? Let's talk about how to disclose our status and why the stigma of STIs is so harmful....
What are you prioritizing in love?
Relationships are not complicated. They take practice. They take prioritization. They take choosing to show up in love, even when it's awkward....
Dawn Answers: Does the porn she watches mean anything?
Does the porn she watches mean anything? Why do we watch certain kinds of porn? Is watching porn bad when you're in a relationship?...
Dawn Answers: My partner annoys me. Should I end things?
What should I do if my boyfriend is getting on my nerves? Should I end things? How can I overcome being annoyed at him? I'm looking for relationship advice....
Can you find a way to forgive yourself?
For all the ways you've broken your own heart, or told yourself you aren't enough, or failed someone special, can you find a way to forgive yourself?...
Eight books on sex and intimacy you need to read.
Bad sex & relationship advice is rampant. So where to begin? If you looking for books on sex & intimacy, start here. Sex coach approved....
When shame swallows you whole
Brene Brown calls shame the master emotion. Knowing how shame works won't save you from the crushing darkness. How can you break free once you're trapped?...
How much sex should you be having?
More sex? Less sex? How much sex should you have if you want a healthy, thriving relationship? The answer may surprise you....
Do you ever feel like sex is overrated?
Things are not how you imagined they'd be in bed. You'd go so far as to say sex is overrated. Here's a new way to think about sex that might help....
This is a story about healing
Sometimes healing trauma can take us amazing and unexpected places. What happened when I saw a sacred intimate (somatic sex educator) for healing work....
I don’t want sex as much as I used to. How do I get that spark back?
I can remember lying in bed at night wondering if something was wrong with me. I had no desire to have sex with my partner at the time, and while the sex was OK when we did have it, it was largely non-existent. In fact, we fought about i...
How to talk dirty and why talking dirty can be good for you
Have you ever had that moment when someone asks you to talk dirty to them and you freeze? Suddenly, you’re stuck in your head and you aren’t quite sure what to say or how to say it? “Should I say ‘boobs’ or ‘tits’? Am I demanding or am I...
Are you destroying trust and intimacy with these tiny reactions?
It’s confession time again. In my two previous relationships, I was a master microaggressor. I didn’t know it at the time – in fact, I felt quite justified and righteous in how I handled our disagreements and disappointments. I was in t...
Everything changes when you let go
I used to be the queen of expectations – always dreaming and wishing and pushing for specific outcomes. I called it good planning or being prepared or keeping my eye on the prize, and while it’s great to have goals, it becomes unhealth...
When you just don’t have time for sex
You know that it’s the first thing to go when things get insane. Between work, managing your home, maintaining a social life, getting food on the table, and running errands, sex just seems like a nice-to-have rather than a must-have when...
A love note from me to you
Hi you, This week, I wanted to sit down and write a little love note – from me to you. Maybe it’s because we’re coming out of Mercury in retrograde or because everything seems to be moving so damn fast all the time, but I’m feeling ten...
What the pros know: the (not-so-secret) secret to great sex
Recently, at the end of a long and powerful session with one of my clients, I made a little joke to her about all of my sex failures. She stopped and looked at me, and then said: “I find that hard to believe. You’re so awesome at…every...
My husband is always trying to fix me
I was at dinner with a friend a few weeks ago, and she was telling me how her relationship with her partner was going. One of the things that she was happy to report was that her partner has been getting better at not immediately offerin...
Why do people cheat? A look at infidelity and what you can do about it.
Cheating. It’s everywhere – in our favorite TV shows, in the movies, in the books we read, and even in our lives. Whether you’ve cheated, been cheated on, or know someone close to you who has been through this experience, it’s an epide...
Life after sexual assault or rape, my personal story
I am a survivor of multiple sexual assaults and rapes. I wasn’t planning on talking about this on the blog just yet, but there’s a reason I share this now. Several months ago I did an interview with a podcast called Ending the Sexual Dar...
You don’t need to love your body to have amazing sex
I don’t know how you feel about your body, but the relationship that I have with my body is deep, complex, and not at all consistent. Over the years, I’ve been quite mean to both my body and myself. In fact, there was a time when I belie...
Are you ready to claim your pleasure and create a better sex life?
I have a confession. It’s personal and involves years of embarrassment on my part, so I hope you’ll be patient with me as my story of self discovery unfolds. From the time I was in my early teens, I loved pleasuring myself. I don’t remem...
A new frontier for relationships and happiness?
A few nights ago, I attended a fantastic workshop called “Dating Your Species” by the amazing and fabulous Reid Mihalko and Monique Darling. I had selfish reasons for attending. Reid is a master at workshop facilitation when it comes to ...
Eliminate these three words to improve your sexual confidence
I’ve noticed an epidemic in my life and in the lives of my clients. The more I look and listen, the more I realize it’s everywhere. We’re all suffocating beneath layers of guilt, shame, comparison, and fear all because of three little w...
The Power of Words: A Missive for Sexperts, Sex Therapists, & Educators
Disclaimer: I realize that not all sex therapists, sex educators, sex workers, or sex professionals want to be inclusive and accepting. If that is you, I honor your path and encourage you to stop reading. This article isn’t for you. I’ll...
Keeping sex fun (hint: when’s the last time you smiled in bed?)
When was the last time you laughed in the middle of sex? Genuinely, honestly laughed? Last week, my partner and I were deep in a rope bondage scene – my ankles were bound in rope cuffs, I was nearly immobilized, and things were intense ...
2015: The year of surrender
I’m the kind of person who has a tendency to get stuck in my head. It’s taken me a lot of work to learn how to savor the moment for exactly what it is. Looking back, I started to realize just how much I’d missed out on by constantly t...
Being vulnerable: Moving towards fear
I have a confession to make. I’m scared. I’m scared of the death of the love that I have for my partner. I’m scared of putting myself out into the world and sharing my gifts. I’m scared of failure. I’m scared of a great many things. Some...
What to do when you aren’t having sex as often as you’d like
Call me old school, but I still manage my life on a paper calendar. Yeah, I put stuff in my Google calendar from time-to-time, like recurring events or professional meet ups. But for some reason, I get particular pleasure out of writing ...
Saying what you want in bed
A few months ago, I had the pleasure of writing a delicious post for Gina Senarighi’s website Amplify Happiness Now. Check out the post by clicking here. The article includes tips for safely exploring kinkier fantasies, as well as sample...
Tune up your sex life with the Pleasure Mechanics
Badass sex advice from Charlotte and Chris Rose Did you lose your sex drive? Libido in shambles? Trying to find a way to reconnect with your lover? Allow me to introduce you to Charlotte Rose and her spouse, Chris. They are the mastermin...
Learning how to have tough conversations
Tough conversations. Ugh. Recently, one of my lovers was telling me how much he enjoys his partner being on top during sex. He was excited and sharing sexy thoughts about having a woman pleasure herself while riding him, and instead of g...
What is a Sexual Attitudes Reassessment workshop?
I met Colleen Dunning through an online business program, and we immediately connected. Colleen is stunning in her pursuit of sexuality and self-discovery. She has not only been studying sex and sexuality for a number of years, but she h...
Learning to grieve – because of a screwdriver
I ended a relationship of seven years last summer. At the time, I was so exhausted from the trying and the counseling and the guilt, I cut the cord without looking back. The moment the words “it’s over” left my lips, relief flooded me. T...
Help! I’m having trouble orgasming
A gorgeous inspiring individual writes: [divider style=’centered’] I am 38. I was only with men and then left my husband of nine years at the age of 32 to be with women. I’ve never really had a problem reaching orgasm, and have always be...