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Resisting urgency as a pleasure practice

What is your relationship with urgency? And what would it look like to begin investigating opportunities for slowing down even if it means leaving some things unfinished? Could you set aside your healing practice and your...

What is your relationship with your anger?

Many of us fear or over-use our anger, however anger is one of the most important and valuable emotions we've got. Anger is a gentle and wise sentry, carefully scanning our lives for breaches in fairness and justice....

Flowers with a tan overlay & the words "What gifts are you nurturing?"

What gifts are you nurturing?

How do we dance with the reality that each and every choice we make and do not make impacts not only the people in our lives, but the land we live on, the generations that come next, our non-human kin, and others beyond ourselves?...

Journaling the questions

How can you get started journaling? How can journaling be a part of healing? This new method of journaling the questions might lead you new places....

Honoring that feelings are a collective experience

There’s a great piece circulating on how emotional regulation is the skill of the 21st century. Emotional and somatic skills are crucial. Having language for our feelings, having tools to help us have more choice in how we respond is a...

What are the ways we perform?

What are the ways we perform with food? What are the ways we perform confidence? And what are the ways we perform pleasure and the erotic?...

Permission to feel good.

You are allowed to eat food that you enjoy. You are allowed change in ways that make sense only to you. You have permission to feel good....

What if the expert you need is you?

What if the expert you need is you? What if no one else knows your body like you do? What if your hunger, your cravings, your wanting actually matter?...

You are not lazy. Laziness is a myth.

What if laziness is a myth? What if you aren't lazy? Rest is how we heal. Slowing down is how we listen to our bodies. Let's break up with lazy....

Your anger is sacred. Nurture her and listen to her fiercely.

    Dear Younger Me, I’ve been thinking about you often, contemplating all of the things I want to share with you these next few months. I imagine propping you on my knee, holding you close, listening to your endless chatter, braiding yo...

Love is fierce. Love is strength. Love is anger.

Love is a phrase that gets thrown around a lot. We use it to tell someone how we feel about them and to indicate we deeply enjoy an experience. We say that only love can heal, that all we need is love*, and we believe that certain kinds ...

How do you sustain love even when you’re at your worst?

The other day I was confronted by the truth of who I am at my worst in relationship. It was an ugly mirror to gaze into. The shame was immediate and deep. I was sitting in a relationship therapy training program, and we were talking abou...

What is your relationship with pleasure?

Pleasure can be a tricky thing.We are taught that pleasure is wonderful, something to aspire to, something to indulge in…But not too much, too often, or in the “wrong” ways.Oh, and pleasure is only for people who have earned it –...

Who do we leave out of consent conversations?

I was just chatting with Andrew Gurza on his podcast Disability After Dark. We were rolling around in marginalized bodies and sex, the ways we perform and try to be “normal” and not other. One of the things he said to me is that consent ...

Talking about feelings is one thing. Feeling them is another.

I’ve been sitting in some tough places and reflecting on what it means to actually experience the messiness of life. It’s one thing to talk about feelings, to learn skills for managing and navigating feelings, and it’s another entirely t...

Complaining is easy; choosing the erotic is an act of defiance

I don’t know if it’s just me, but I’ve been finding it incredibly difficult to be creative and to show up lately. Taking care of myself seems harder than ever. Then again, I’ve never been very good at taking care of me, so maybe that’s n...

You don’t need to be perfect to be lovable.

You don’t need to be perfect to be lovable. So, please stop striving for perfection. Instead of denying the hurt and the failed expectations, instead of trying to seem like you have it all together, what if you let it all out and showed ...

Desire and intimacy require constant tending

Have you ever been in a relationship that started hot and heavy, and then as you settled into your routines as a couple it started to taper off and become something a little more mundane and lukewarm? Yeah. Me, too. That’s because most o...

Sex is a luxury and your power. Don’t take it for granted.

BlackLivesMatter is on my mind today. I’ve seen so many colleagues speaking out about racism and priorities, lately. One very smart person said that they feel like their work around sex just isn’t that important when we have people being...

Dawn Answers: Finding your voice after trauma

Cindy asks: Hi Dawn, I’ve been catching up on old episodes and caught sight of the episode of Dylan leaving. (Haven’t heard it yet) I miss her already! I hope you continue on as strong as before. I wanted to try and get some advice about...

What if sexual validation comes from within?

The day I realized 95% of my sexual distress, pain, and shame has been the result of other people telling me what my sexual experiences should look like and feel like, everything shifted. I can’t tell you how many hours (years?) I spent ...

What are you prioritizing in love?

Relationships are not complicated. They take practice. They take prioritization. They take choosing to show up in love, even when it's awkward....

When shame swallows you whole

Brene Brown calls shame the master emotion. Knowing how shame works won't save you from the crushing darkness. How can you break free once you're trapped?...

This is a story about healing

Sometimes healing trauma can take us amazing and unexpected places. What happened when I saw a sacred intimate (somatic sex educator) for healing work....

How to talk dirty and why talking dirty can be good for you

Have you ever had that moment when someone asks you to talk dirty to them and you freeze? Suddenly, you’re stuck in your head and you aren’t quite sure what to say or how to say it? “Should I say ‘boobs’ or ‘tits’? Am I demanding or am I...

Everything changes when you let go

  I used to be the queen of expectations – always dreaming and wishing and pushing for specific outcomes. I called it good planning or being prepared or keeping my eye on the prize, and while it’s great to have goals, it becomes unhealth...

When you just don’t have time for sex

You know that it’s the first thing to go when things get insane. Between work, managing your home, maintaining a social life, getting food on the table, and running errands, sex just seems like a nice-to-have rather than a must-have when...

A love note from me to you

Hi you, This week, I wanted to sit down and write a little love note – from me to you. Maybe it’s because we’re coming out of Mercury in retrograde or because everything seems to be moving so damn fast all the time, but I’m feeling ten...

What the pros know: the (not-so-secret) secret to great sex

Recently, at the end of a long and powerful session with one of my clients, I made a little joke to her about all of my sex failures. She stopped and looked at me, and then said: “I find that hard to believe. You’re so awesome at…every...

My husband is always trying to fix me

I was at dinner with a friend a few weeks ago, and she was telling me how her relationship with her partner was going. One of the things that she was happy to report was that her partner has been getting better at not immediately offerin...

Life after sexual assault or rape, my personal story

I am a survivor of multiple sexual assaults and rapes. I wasn’t planning on talking about this on the blog just yet, but there’s a reason I share this now. Several months ago I did an interview with a podcast called Ending the Sexual Dar...

You don’t need to love your body to have amazing sex

I don’t know how you feel about your body, but the relationship that I have with my body is deep, complex, and not at all consistent. Over the years, I’ve been quite mean to both my body and myself. In fact, there was a time when I belie...

A new frontier for relationships and happiness?

A few nights ago, I attended a fantastic workshop called “Dating Your Species” by the amazing and fabulous Reid Mihalko and Monique Darling. I had selfish reasons for attending. Reid is a master at workshop facilitation when it comes to ...

Eliminate these three words to improve your sexual confidence

I’ve noticed an epidemic in my life and in the lives of my clients. The more I look and listen, the more I realize it’s everywhere. We’re all suffocating beneath layers of guilt, shame, comparison, and fear all because of three little w...

2015: The year of surrender

I’m the kind of person who has a tendency to get stuck in my head. It’s taken me a lot of work to learn how to savor the moment for exactly what it is. Looking back, I started to realize just how much I’d missed out on by constantly t...

Being vulnerable: Moving towards fear

I have a confession to make. I’m scared. I’m scared of the death of the love that I have for my partner. I’m scared of putting myself out into the world and sharing my gifts. I’m scared of failure. I’m scared of a great many things. Some...

Saying what you want in bed

A few months ago, I had the pleasure of writing a delicious post for Gina Senarighi’s website Amplify Happiness Now. Check out the post by clicking here. The article includes tips for safely exploring kinkier fantasies, as well as sample...

Tune up your sex life with the Pleasure Mechanics

Badass sex advice from Charlotte and Chris Rose Did you lose your sex drive? Libido in shambles? Trying to find a way to reconnect with your lover? Allow me to introduce you to Charlotte Rose and her spouse, Chris. They are the mastermin...

Learning how to have tough conversations

Tough conversations. Ugh. Recently, one of my lovers was telling me how much he enjoys his partner being on top during sex. He was excited and sharing sexy thoughts about having a woman pleasure herself while riding him, and instead of g...

What is a Sexual Attitudes Reassessment workshop?

I met Colleen Dunning through an online business program, and we immediately connected. Colleen is stunning in her pursuit of sexuality and self-discovery. She has not only been studying sex and sexuality for a number of years, but she h...

Learning to grieve – because of a screwdriver

I ended a relationship of seven years last summer. At the time, I was so exhausted from the trying and the counseling and the guilt, I cut the cord without looking back. The moment the words “it’s over” left my lips, relief flooded me. T...

Help! I’m having trouble orgasming

A gorgeous inspiring individual writes: [divider style=’centered’] I am 38. I was only with men and then left my husband of nine years at the age of 32 to be with women. I’ve never really had a problem reaching orgasm, and have always be...